Rekindling a spark through old works

I have a bit of a personal story to tell for my first blog post, both on this site and ever really. I love to draw and paint, I've been doing it ever since I was old enough to hold a crayon. But for years since graduating from university back in 2021 I wasn't really able to paint anything, I was just too burnt out and didn't have that spark for it like I used to. But recently that changed, for whatever reason I decided to look at some of the old drawings and paintings I'd kept from those days at uni and reminisce a bit. I didn't expect anything, you know how it is, the self doubt and all those lovely negative feelings associated with burnout were still lingering in my mind even after so long. But as I looked at what I'd created I realised they actually weren't terrible. Sure, they weren't art at a professional level by a long shot, but even I can see there's potential. There was a feeling starting to bubble up that I hadn't felt in a while, the need to create something, so I chose this really unfinished sketch of some kind of bird man I did, opened up Clip Studio Paint and got started painting.

I wasn't quite sure what it was meant to be after so long, but it had a beak and feathers so it had to be a bird right? Very unfinished, but seeing it sparked something in me again.

As I started painting all of the things I learnt but thought I'd forgotten started coming back to me. How light and shadow works, how to show form, it was like I'd unlocked a door and all these old friends I hadn't seen in a long time were waiting out there just trying to get back in. I noticed I started feeling better with each stroke I made on the canvas, I didn't feel as bad about the issues I was going through and even how I viewed my work started looking brighter. I'd decided that I'll just work on his face and see how it goes since it's been so long, as I worked the unfinished birdman started looking a lot less like a grey blob and more like the bird it should have been. I started giving it feathers on it's cheeks, with more strokes I sculpted the eye which started unintentionally taking on the emotion I was feeling at the time, more feathers for the brow and oh why not make them look like eyebrows for a bit of character. Some little scruffy ones here and there because this guy doesn't look like the type to spend time grooming every day. It looked like he kind of had a tumor on his neck so I fixed the shape and covered it with feathers. By the end of it all I was happy and feeling good at what I'd created, in all honestly probably for the first time in a while when it came to painting something.

I stopped after that but it gave me a new perspective on my work and on my self. A lot had happened in the years since I'd painted this guy and I could see that growth through what I'd done. I didn't feel like continuing to fix and paint the rest of it right then, but doing that rekindled that spark I had since childhood, I want to draw, I want to paint, make worlds and share them with people again. So I guess, it really is important to take a moment and look back to see just how far you've come every now and then. You can't see it going forward all the time.

The smile wasn't intentional but it's a little funny how the happiness I felt while painting again kind of shows through it.